Sunday, January 05, 2003

Being alone is not so bad once u get over worrying about people thinking that you are weird.

Went to Mid Valley. The usual. Went to MPH which I personally consider a public library. Continued reading "Interior Architecture". Hopefully one day I ll have RM 147 to spend on that book. Buying books gives a sense of security. The funny thing is I never really cared about books when I was a student.

Watch "Sweet Home Alabama"- a movie about how a woman make fools of men who sincerely love her and still being adored by everybody.A story that I can relate to. How art immitates life.

Had fish and chips for dinner at the food court. I dont feel akward dining alone at public places anymore. I m immuned. I ve stopped caring. There were times in my life that I wished I m incapable of feeling anything. maybe my wishes has been granted.

I still havent decided whether to accept my bosses' offer to stay in the company. RM2300 per month, a share in the company, company's car , new co-worker- sounds like a colour pallette for a pretty pitcure. Honestly I ve been enjoying this - being wanted, desperately wanted. It has been a great ego booster to see people that I considered manipulating me on their knees, begging. "Please stay. This company will cripple without you". Compliments doesnt come more extravagant than that. And revenge doesnt come sweeter.

But as Aishah said, I should do whatever makes me happy. Working at PB doest make me happy. It drains out my sense of well being, my sense of importance. But I wonder if RM 500 extra every month will paint my sky blue. I know it will give a sense of moral satisfaction if I can prove that money offering doesnt make me compromise my principle, doesnt side track me from pursuing my ambition. Doesnt dull my enteprenureship spirit.

And how I love her." Whatever you do, I'll support you.", she said. Sometimes I feel like she is all I need.

Bila sendirian
aku tak dapat lari
dari mempersoalkan
adakah ini
ataupun mimpi
yang akan hilang
bila ku terjaga nanti

Kau ada segalanya
yang ku inginkan
terasa seakan sempurna
sebagai kekasih dan teman
apakah mimpi-mimpiku
telah menjadi kenyataan
ataupun hanya aku
dibutakan perasaan

Ingin kubukakan hati
dan serahkan padamu
tapi ku bimbang akan
terluka seperti dulu
Ingin aku tanyakan
Ingin aku tahu
mungkinkah kau rasakan
apa yang aku
rasakan padamu

A song that I wrote long ago. Long before I knew her. Funny how things happen. It is as if I knew then that we r gonna meet. Someone that is too good to be true. My Florence Nigthingale that will pick up the pieces of my broken heart and glue them back together with her love.

Di dalam ribut dalam kalut
aku mencari tempat berpaut
dipukul gelombang
terdampar di pangkuan mu

Kau sentuh ahti kau rawat jiwa
buat ku hilang rasa kecewa
kau balut luka
lama yang masih terus berdarah

Terkadangkala ku terasa
dunia bagai panas membara
disisimu ku temui..

...someday I ll finish that song and sing it to her..